Along with doing Weight Watchers I have decided to try and work on some of the topics Oprah is doing in her Best Life Series. It is the closest I think I can get to have a Jillian from the biggest loser helping me. Today's show was awesome and here are my responses to Bob Greene's five questions. A bit personal but since I have limited people reading I am okay sharing. Here is the link in case you would like to participate.
What are you really hungry for?
Unconditional Love and Approval. I want to know that no matter what I am loved for who I am. Even if I never change from what I am today I want to know it is enough. I want to know that for my mother, grandfather and aunt it is enough. I want to be good enough for myself. I want to not wish I was someone else all the time thinking that it would make others like and love me more to think me worthy. I want to not have to prove my worth to others. I want to be loved unconditionally. I don't think it is really my family that isn't loving me. I actually know that my family loves me and since having Ava and Kohen I know they love me but I can't seem to shake that need for approval and the need I feel to prove myself to them in hopes I will be everything they want me to be. Somewhere deep inside me is fear that any moment they will leave me. I fear that they will find someone better and choose them over me. I realize this is silly and frankly stupid but its there and I don't know how to get rid of it. So I am hungry for self approval as well. I am hungry to love myself unconditionally.
Why are you overweight?
See post below and add to my love of food. I would also throw in that I eat to not deal with childhood issues. Possibly the abandonment of my father when I was a baby. I have always pretended it didn't matter because I have a GREAT Dad but I stop myself from thinking(till now) about the hurt in knowing that a man could leave me, his baby and not look back. That I wasn't good enough to send Christmas presents to, take for vacations or even call on birthdays, nothing. I meant NOTHING to him. So in order to not think about how worthless I was to him or others in my life I eat.
Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
I have never committed myself too it. Probably for fear of giving it my all and failing.
What in your life is not working?
Ha! I am sitting here trying to figure this out and all I think of is that my mind is not helping me. I am my own worst enemy and doubter. I do not have faith in myself because I don't consider myself worthy.
Why do you want to lose weight?
To be able to play with my kids and be here for them for a long time. So that I can walk with confidence and not worry that I am being judge for my weight. To be healthy not need asthma meds and to be proactive in my health as I get older. I want to lose weight to look good. To be a cute Mom. I want to be thin so I that I can not embarrass my children by being their fat mom. So I can set a good example for my kids and lead by my actions not just my words. To feel good about me. To take control over my emotions and not eat them. So I can move on from the bad things that have happen to me and not let them control me.
What are you really hungry for?
Unconditional Love and Approval. I want to know that no matter what I am loved for who I am. Even if I never change from what I am today I want to know it is enough. I want to know that for my mother, grandfather and aunt it is enough. I want to be good enough for myself. I want to not wish I was someone else all the time thinking that it would make others like and love me more to think me worthy. I want to not have to prove my worth to others. I want to be loved unconditionally. I don't think it is really my family that isn't loving me. I actually know that my family loves me and since having Ava and Kohen I know they love me but I can't seem to shake that need for approval and the need I feel to prove myself to them in hopes I will be everything they want me to be. Somewhere deep inside me is fear that any moment they will leave me. I fear that they will find someone better and choose them over me. I realize this is silly and frankly stupid but its there and I don't know how to get rid of it. So I am hungry for self approval as well. I am hungry to love myself unconditionally.
Why are you overweight?
See post below and add to my love of food. I would also throw in that I eat to not deal with childhood issues. Possibly the abandonment of my father when I was a baby. I have always pretended it didn't matter because I have a GREAT Dad but I stop myself from thinking(till now) about the hurt in knowing that a man could leave me, his baby and not look back. That I wasn't good enough to send Christmas presents to, take for vacations or even call on birthdays, nothing. I meant NOTHING to him. So in order to not think about how worthless I was to him or others in my life I eat.
Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
I have never committed myself too it. Probably for fear of giving it my all and failing.
What in your life is not working?
Ha! I am sitting here trying to figure this out and all I think of is that my mind is not helping me. I am my own worst enemy and doubter. I do not have faith in myself because I don't consider myself worthy.
Why do you want to lose weight?
To be able to play with my kids and be here for them for a long time. So that I can walk with confidence and not worry that I am being judge for my weight. To be healthy not need asthma meds and to be proactive in my health as I get older. I want to lose weight to look good. To be a cute Mom. I want to be thin so I that I can not embarrass my children by being their fat mom. So I can set a good example for my kids and lead by my actions not just my words. To feel good about me. To take control over my emotions and not eat them. So I can move on from the bad things that have happen to me and not let them control me.
January 4th next update February 4th.
1 comment:
Grace, I know you may not see it. But, you are beautiful. You are beautiful on the outside but you are also beautiful on the inside.
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